Friendship

Once again, I've not written in a while. Now, however, I have a good excuse. Shortly after one of my few earlier posts, my husband and I found out I was pregnant. Now we have an eight month old daughter, who delights us daily. What can I say? Life changed, and when I look at my priorities for the day, I don't feel I have the freedom (time-wise) to share my thoughts here. They're there - they just aren't released.

But it's 10:15 PM, the baby is in bed, and my hubby is out playing a gig. I have some time to myself.

So this is my story today.

Today I set up a coffee "date" with my friend, A. I looked forward to it all day - I don't often get out of the house - especially not in the throes of winter - so the prospect of an hour of grown-up talk, even with Baby A in tow, was immensely appealing.

We only had an hour free - friend A is working on her PhD and is busy in her own right. So we covered a lot of ground in a short time. And towards the end of our conversation, A admitted that she and her husband had been trying for a year to get pregnant - and that most of the rest of our Bible Study friends already knew it.

Why hadn't she told me before now? (She admitted they were just about ready to give up for a while because the timing wouldn't be right after next month.) I don't know. But as I left the coffeeshop, I wondered. And then the questions came. What else don't I know about my friends? How good are my friends, really? Is anyone close enough to really confide in me? Do I even have a best friend?

I'm starting up a ministry for young moms in our church -and my motivation, genuinely, is to encourage moms in their calling and to connect them with one another. But I couldn't help it - the questions drifted in that direction. What if no one at church actually likes me? What if all the other moms just like connecting with each other and leave me out? What if I don't make any friends from this group?

Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit sad tonight.