The New Job

So I started work today at a non-profit organization. It's a Christian organization, one I highly respect. For confidentiality reasons, I can't say the name, so I'll just call it NPO. Rather boring, perhaps. If I think of a better pseudonym, I'll change it.

Anyway, before working at NPO, I worked in the public school system. I worked as a bilingual teacher for four years in a suburb of Chicago. For four years I hated my life. I'm not entirely sure what it was that drove me to madness. Sometimes, perhaps, it was the linguistic challenges I faced. I'm not Latina. I'm very guera. My Spanish is only so good. At times, my brain got so tired, I couldn't even think in English.

More so, though, I think I hated my life because it felt so unfocused. I never could keep track of all that I was supposed to. I couldn't teach 7 different lessons in a linear order every day and remember where I left off. I couldn't care about what they wanted me to care about. I didn't believe in No Child Left Behind. (Does anyone? Probably not. But the thing is, other teachers endorse it to keep their jobs. I wasn't that committed.) And, I found after four years that I had a really difficult time teaching with the idea that God had to be deleted from the fundamental world-view. We worked and worked to teach kids to be "good", with no other motivation than their own personal inner strength. And then we shook our heads, tut-tutted, and wondered what went wrong, when they failed and continued lying, stealing, and fighting, acting like little sinners.

So I searched and found NPO. They needed a bilingual educator to teach a program they bring to the public schools. They also needed someone to start a parent class. I'm a person who likes people. It wasn't exactly what I thought I'd been looking for, but I decided to let God show me whether or not it was something I ought to pursue. I knew I'd be working with other believers, people focused on sharing the gospel message by meeting a need in the world. People focused on glorifying God in whatever service they did. Maybe all the challenges would be outweighed by those two pluses.

I was excited. And then, with the passing of time, I was not. I was scared. I was scared of working with Christians, scared of my inabilities, scared of the change. God had seemed to lead me here, but what if I was wrong? (I do not actually believe God's will works that way, but I fall into that way of thinking quite often.)

Today was the first day. And it was easy - like the syllabus day on the first day of class at college. I met some people in the office. I read some training manuals. I prayed. I went to a meeting. I ate some cake.

I think the summer will be fairly simple and consistent. It will be a good chance for me to get acclimated. But the school year will be a bigger challenge.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. Right now I ought to go. My husband and I are packing our apartment, getting ready to move into our new house. And I have had a glass of wine and am rather sleepy.

Perhaps my next post will be clearer.